There are two types of people: those who cry and those who don't. I'm definitely a crier...always have been. My mom has said (on more than one occasion) that I was the whiniest child she had ever encountered. She says you could look at me wrong, and I would burst into tears. I don't know where I came from because I can count the times I have seen either of my parents cry on one hand. It must have been so utterly frustrating for two non-criers to raise such a hypersensitive child. Kudos Mom and Dad!
It's a natural response to me. I cry when I'm sad, scared, tired, mad, confused, embarrassed, hurt, overcome with joy, extremely amused, or supremely grateful. I just feel things very strongly, and those feelings shoot right out of my eyeballs. Some criers can just wipe the tears, all evidence of the act completely erased. Not me. It's not pretty! And that's an understatement. You would think that after 31 years of practice and literally probably gallons of tears, my body would have built up a resistance to ugliness that these salty little drops create on my face: blotchy red spots, a snotty nose, and eyes that swell shut. I do, however, feel that my face muscles are in top condition because they receive quite the workout once the waterworks commence. I saw this picture the other day, and it nailed it!
I've recently walked, well walked is a bit of an overstatement, crawled through a season of many, many tears. The kind of tears that blur your vision and leave you gasping for breath. The kind of tears that puddle on the bathroom floor or on the church pew or on your best friend's shoulder. They are the kind where you look in the mirror afterwards and the person staring back is barely recognizable. And they just wouldn't seem to quit. Some call this suffering. I don't like this word, but let's go with it.
My dad has this way of saying these really wise things in such a practical way that it just seems like the kind of common sense you shrug off. It isn't usually until I've got my hands all over the concept and grappled it like a grizzly bear that I really get what he's talking about. I'm tactile like that...and a tiny bit stubborn about figuring out my own stuff. Example: when I was at the beginning of my situation, Dad said, "Andrea, no one likes to suffer, but if you let it, it can change you like nothing else can." Pretty smart guy, that dad of mine, although I didn't think it right then.
Here's the deal. Suffering is profoundly painful and usually leaves us with a big, gaping hole of loss. We don't like it! You show me a person who enjoys suffering, and I'll show you a mental disorder in the DSM-IV (the psychology book of craziness). Most of us can only think of one thing once pain has its claws in us: make it STOP! Then come the questions.
Why is this happening to me?
What have I done to deserve this?
How could God let this happen?
I can't emphatically answer these questions for you or myself, for that matter. All I know is that life brings pain to all of us, kind of like a human right of passage. As much as we try, there is no way to avoid it. It sometimes happens to people who bring it upon themselves, but it equally happens to good people that absolutely did not see it coming. I don't know why it happens, but I know that the only way out of it is through it. Once you're in the mess, you have to go forward. Back is not an option. And I know that there is nothing quite like suffering that can define you.
I think of my dear friends often. They have a little girl, 3 years-old like my son Jett, that was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia, AML-M7 to be exact, and she has been fighting for her little life for almost a year. After 5 rounds a chemo, there was still a tiny bit of cancer, cancer that needs to be gone in order for her bone marrow transplant to have a good chance of success. My heart has broken with this family with each setback and has rejoiced at each small victory as they post constant updates for the thousands of followers that are rooting for baby girl. I stand in awe of their resolve. While this isn't a path that any parent would choose to walk, my friends have chosen to walk it in faith. They have chosen to keep their eyes on Jesus while this raging storm threatens to destroy what they hold most dear. They have chosen not to be defined by the fear and doubt that must creep in during the nights in those hospital halls. Each day they make the decision to drink up each precious moment and believe that a cure is just around the corner. And most impressively, they have chosen to lift up and support others that are going through the same thing. They have personally been a shining example of faith to me in times when I have wanted to doubt. They are so strong, and they inspire me.
Maybe that is a silver lining of suffering: to help someone else through something that you survived/are surviving, to give them hope of making it through. The Bible says suffering produces endurance and character and hope. Then James takes it over the top, and says that we should be happy (no wait, his words: consider it pure joy). when we face trials. The reason for this is to build perseverance which leads to us being whole and mature. What?!
I think this would be a good time to insert how much I loathe the gym....well just exercise in general. This is something else that makes me want to ugly cry my face off. I roll my eyes at those people that post workout selfies, and look like they are really loving it. Please! I've never left a (successful) workout not in pain. I think we have already established that only crazy people enjoy pain, so I'm kind of putting James in this category. My mind goes to strange places sometimes, and as I read that, I picture him in Richard Simmons spandex saying, "Feel the burn! Pure joy!" Oh, you didn't get that visual? Just me then. Anyway, it's the same concept. Suffering is like exercise for our spirit. It's not the painful process we enjoy, it is the beauty that can emerge from the breaking and the strength from the weakness.
Pain = Growth
Seriously though, Dad is right about letting pain change you. It definitely will. Brokenness strips us thin. It makes the layers of the heart delicate and permeable. That makes it easy for fear and bitterness and cynicism to seep in through the very visible cracks. But you can also choose to let light fill the dark holes, the places that the pain has broken open and exposed. It is when we are completely divested that we can be filled. It is when we are in the most need that God's presence can be almost palpable with his love and grace. Let me just say, that makes it worth it.
When you're in the midst of heartbreak, it's harsh, exhausting, excruciatingly painful. You can't see it's end, or usually anything for that matter. It's like falling into the water during rafting and being sucked into an undertow, often unexpectedly and violently. This happened to Dad when he was young. He fought and fought unable to reach the surface. He actually gave in and thought he was about to die. As he let the current pull him under, it released him and shot him out on the other side. If you want to survive, don't fight the current. Go through it. Lean on your people (that's what they're there for), seek counseling from someone you really respect, find comfort in a song, search for wisdom in books, ugly cry like crazy, and pray til you're hoarse. Contrary to how you feel, it won't last forever.
After you've caught your breath and coughed the water from your lungs, open yourself to the idea that "what is empty will be filled, what is broken will be repaired, and what is lost can always be found, no matter how many times it's been lost" (Shauna Neiquist, bittersweet). As Christians, we get this promise, the promise that those who endure get a crown of life, and I don't know about you, but I <3 jewelry. ;)
We got this!
Romans 5 : 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
James 1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1: 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
Hurry. Rush. Hustle. Do. Go. Be.
Now...faster. More. Better. Repeat.
I've never been very good at being still. Even as a small child, I remember crawling in bed with my mom on early Saturday mornings and her reprimanding, "Be still...Stop wiggling.". I blame it on my personality. I am a natural doer, a go-getter, some might say. I blame it on my culture where there is nonstop action: always something to do, always something to see. I blame in on my own previously mentioned Super Mom. That woman never stops. She works harder than most men and has a skill set that astounds! Needless to say some of that had to rub off on me, right?
Last week, as I was busily rushing my kiddos around in the early hours of the morning, I heard on my favorite morning talk show that the most important thing you can do for your body is to get an adequate amount of sleep. In fact, sleep trumps a healthy diet and exercise in the impact that it has on our body, and without it, the other things we do aren't very effective. I feel like I know this to be true because if I go too many nights in a row without enough sleep, I get that familiar tickle in my throat and its downhill from there. My immune system betrays me. I see it like this (for my visual learners):
The Absolute Best Thing You Can Do for Your Body
(then way down here)
2. healthy diet
The Benefit: While you sleep, your brain is actually creating new pathways that support better memory, increased attention span, more productive decision making, and creativity.
The Deficit: Not getting the proper sleep can affect problem solving abilities, can cause problems controlling emotions or behaviors, create difficulty coping with change, and can also be linked to depression, heart disease, stroke, and high blood pressure.
Science also tells us that small children need way more sleep than adults do. Think of a newborn and how many hours they spend sleeping (often not during the hours we would like them to do it, but what you gonna do). Why is this? It's because sleep perpetuates the human growth hormone and is necessary for sufficient development.
SLEEP = GROWTH
We need rest to grow, replenish, and renew our physical bodies, so is this not true in our spirits and our minds? What do I mean by rest?
the refreshing quiet or repose of sleep:
refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor:
relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs.
a period or interval of inactivity, repose, solitude, or tranquility:
mental or spiritual calm; tranquility.
The complications of life will inevitably come. Some of them will beat you down...hard. They will toss you around like a little rag doll. They will leave you with gashes and bruises and sometimes scars. If you're a doer like me, you're also a fighter. You will spend every last ounce of our energy fighting against the raging sea of uncertainty, suffering, and pain when what you really need to do is learn to float. You weren't made to fight the ocean alone.
Some fights are necessary, and those aren't the types of battles I'm talking about. These fights that I am referring to are about fear and insecurity, and their purpose is just to prove to ourselves that we have some control of the situation (when will we realize that we really don't?).
These types of fights remind me of my sweet toddler Jett that had to be restrained by me and a man of 6'2 to remove a tiny splinter in his hand that was causing him pain. He did not like this idea, the idea of trusting me to make it better. He would have much rather held it firmly against his chest and pretend it didn't exist, all the while fighting the pain that it was causing him. When he didn't willingly comply, we had to use force. He kicked and screamed like we were killing him, but the second I got it out, his face softened to relief. Now, he proudly talks about how I removed his splinter so it wouldn't get "infectable".
I'm good at that, too, What can I do to ease my own discomfort? What can I read to help me fix it? If I can only work a little harder, if I can only do a little more, if I only change this about myself, if I can only stop doing this and add a little more of that, THEN it will be ok.
I'm not discounting hard work. Hard work has helped me get to the places that I've needed to be. But sometimes we use all of energy and resources fighting for the wrong things when what we really need is not to fix it all but just stop. Here is my list of priorities for what I feel like I need in my spirit to make me healthy (again, fellow visual learners, you're welcome).
The Absolute Best Thing You Can Do for Your Spirit/Mind
1. REST in God
2. Consume a healthy diet of the Word
3. Exercise in acts of faith
The Benefit: When we stop trying to solve our own problems, and more importantly, realize that WE DON'T HAVE TO, we will see a vast improvement in our spirits and our minds. We will recall the many promises that we have been given as Christians and as individuals. We will solve problems in new ways, higher ways. We will pay attention to things that we never noticed before, and we will create like never before because we will be connected to THE Creator.
The Deficit: When we don't get proper rest, we make poor decisions and act in ways that we never thought we would act. Stress eventually becomes insurmountable, and we don't see things clearly which could contribute to depression and/or physical health problems.
When I'm not resting in God, I'm kind of like my exhausted 3 year-old that desperately needs a nap. I'm irrational and inconsolable. I throw myself on the floor in violent tantrum when I don't get what I want. I scream and cry and moan when all I need to do is consider who my Father is. I need to "be still and know" that he is God instead of making hasty decisions that eventually just bring more pain. I need to stop trying to wrestle my giants alone and fall into the sweet repose that he holds the world in his hands and surely he's got this. I need to relax and know that he cares for me so much he wants me to cast ALL of my anxieties on him, even my really irrational, illogical ones. I need to settle into the reality that he knows what I NEED even when I think I know what I want. And probably the most difficult (for me), I need to TRUST him through the waiting, through the uncertainty, through this period of growth.
REST = GROWTH
Much like a child's body releases growth hormone while he sleeps, we can experience the same growth when we settle into rest. There is something about the stillness that makes us stop doing and start thinking. There is something about the quietness that makes us stop screaming and start listening. And just like the physical principle that our body requires rest to heal, the same is true with our emotions. There is nothing more healing to the soul than rest.
And here's my favorite thing about rest: when you finally give in to the "sleep" that you so desperately needed, there is the possibility of dreaming. It may be the revival of a dream that you had long ago and forgotten amidst all the "doing". It may be a new exciting dream that you would have never considered. It may be a dream that died in the gritty battle of life but has been resurrected and breathes in life again. But you can rest assured that it will be AWESOME! It usually is if God has something to do with it.
Psalms 116:7 "Return to your rest, my soul, the Lord has been good to you. "
Philippians 4: 6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Isaiah 40:28- 31 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Hey! My name is Andrea. I'm a teacher by day in a small Texas town, but in every other aspect of my life, I consider myself a learner. This blog is about life: learning through experiences, sharing through stories, and growing through faith.